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All Too CloseHe stared at the weightless pills in his hand, each Prozac enveloping the surface of his skin in a deathly white.
They called to him, the alluring voices seemingly to reverberate out of the glass of dirty tap water in his other, trembling hand.
This is the choice he made, the decision that he’s become.
Do it. Let it go. Let it all die.
The voices boomed, penetrating every corner of his mind.
That’s when the memories ensued, a landslide of pain.
“You’ll never change!” said the voice of his lover. “I can’t take it anymore; your emotions, your breakdowns, the holes in your apologies!”
It was daylight. The air was all too crisp, the clouds all too clear.
He stood there, motionless, submitting to his lover’s wrath.
“Just come in, please, and let’s talk about thi---“ he started in response.
“No! Absolutely not! Something has to give
Minuscule RemainsCede the nescience you hold
Favoring me through a black crystal ball
A grin as wide as an ocean crevice
Casted down by the shortest stick
Bitterly tasting its end
Linked is this heart
Loop and chain
That I wear so proudly
Ready to pass the torch
Of my fiery dedication
And my restless dreams
Edging to the surface
Anxiously in need
I hunger for a chance
A speck of regard
To cease these floodgates of doubt
From succumbing to the pressure
Of tides turned
And frustration seethed
This clawing conscience
To stay afloat
On miniscule remains
2014 Vincent Cuccolo
The Call Saunders nervously fiddled with his hands, staring down at the hardwood floor before him. Nearby, an ebony grandfather clock sounded gently, its pendulum swinging back and forth in perpetuity; the time read 11:59 PM.
“It’s alright, Mr. Saunders, you just have to give yourself some time…” said Saunders’ therapist.
Saunders, a mid-40’s man, lifted his head weakly in response.
“I don’t know if I can do this…” said Saunders, his voice shied, running his fingers through his graying hair. He shifted uncomfortably in the sofa he sat on. “The pain is too real, too close to the touch…” he added.
The doctor gazed at Saunders curiously, a notepad and pen resting on his lap. He was perhaps a decade younger, dressed in a blackish-gray suit complemented with a black tie, and was sat on an armchair.
“I understand the ordeal you must be going
The bitterness sticks like glue,
Sews on to the better halves of ourselves;
Vessels to misery,
An eerie entertainment;
Riding out dark acts until it becomes the death of us.
How we are the weavers of our own fate,
A delicate gold string,
Yet we choose to hang each another with it,
WE ARE OUR OWN EXCECUTIONERS
Adding insult to injury.
I pine to break this sentence,
To chop it into hideous remains;
Oh, the lengths I'll go for you
To get back where we so righteously belong.
I'll forsake the very ground,
Relinquish my boundless pride.
The virus of complication grows nearer
With every day we lay to waste.
This isn't a game anymore;
Love as we know it is endangered,
A species that deserves to thrive.
What say you?
Shall we dissipate disappointment?
Loosen the noose of our mistakes?
Or forever remain idle
In this roaring realm of the broken and ashamed?
2012 Vincent Cuccolo
Intermission 911Your surgical steel digs in my chest
How can I sleep?
How can I rest?
When the thought of you brings
And I find myself
Drowning in your tears
Somehow I can hear him cry
Over the earthquakes of the world
A waiting cloud
Just a grey mass
His eyes shifting
In need of society’s fix
The bandage of community
Though the knot comes undone
With every head turned the other way
A world fabricated by labels
These are the hands that we hold him with
The bulletin we pierce on his heart
The tramp-stamp tattooed on his soul
What of him?
What of we?
The tires screech in the distance
The sirens blare
The lights bleed onto the pavement…
Shortness of breath
A draining pulse
His life is what you made it…
What we made it
A slamming door
A white figure graces to his side…
Put the paddles to his chest
Take Your LeavePlunge through the memories
With eyes sewn shut
The bitter slumber takes it hold
As your name
At the back of my mind
Silent subconscious screams
This bed has become a cliff
I cannot escape
On the aerie of your nightmare
As I’m picked bit by bit
Slowly but surely
Placating your crave
Love always leaves a mark
Yours the deepest of all
Made sure of that
As your fingernails dance inside my skin
Splitting these ears in two
Go back to this
Even if the ground pulls
From under my slipping feet
Not another sound
The crow’s nest of your words
Harvesting nothing but death
As your lies
And everything you stand for
Cascade down your mouth
In a molten drip
This is it
The door’s blown open
The winds of my defiance ready
To take your leave
And wipe your face clean from my heart
2014 Vincent Cuccolo
CrimesIs it all right
If I break down tonight
Is it all right
Hold your hand
Until we drift
Into the smoke of the sun
Because the day is now done
Is that all right
It’s the wrong time
The wrong time
It’s the wrong kind of words
I won’t use them on you
No I won’t use them this time
It’s the crimes I’ve committed against people like you
I can’t stay here for the fear that I will commit them against you
Is it all right if I
Pull the trigger on myself?
And I won’t have you
And I won’t let you
Make me want you anymore than I do
I’ll leave in the night
So you don’t have to cry
Is that all right?
Is it all right if I walk away from this?
It’s your choice if I live or I die
I swear I’ll try
But not this time
Because it’s the wrong time
Is it all right if I point the gun at my head?
Is it all right if I whisper my crimes to the dead?
Is it all right if I ask if it’s all right?
Just whisper and I
The Demons Inside UsWe all have something nestled inside of us
Besides the light that shines within
There is another power amidst the good face we show
It hides in the shadows of our mind
Completely unknown to us
Only provoked when we look to hell for help
Scratching their way through of minds
They take over and control our bodies
We are no longer the human we once were
Our eyes have blackened with hate
A foul odor possesses our voice
From which we are thrown from our minds
Into a corner
Watching as Hades makes us lose control
Until we completely lose our vision to reality
Then once they have finished their job
Giving our bodies back to us once more
Opening one’s eyes
We see the devastation left before us
The monsters caged inside of us exploded
Freed from the shackles that our mind puts around them
We cannot fathom what we have become
You see everyone has two faces to themselves
The one you see in the real world
And the one waiting to tear your face off
It only takes a little push in the right dire
Ignorance is BlissI'm afraid
That we're estranged
In the same room
I don't know you
Don't know if I want to.
And your heart
Has a hole in it
From lack of satisfaction
Because you hold that thing there
Carry it like the selfishness in you
It's a place where you break your emotions
So that you may be a rock
Sometimes I crawl in it
I try and pry something out of you
Receding feelings disappear quickly though
Try and pull something, anything out of your emptiness
And by the way
You aren't good at your job
But you know that, don’t you?
You bring me nothing
Except my old habits on a silver platter
So I’ll take them and swallow them one by one
Become the girl I was because nobody else has changed anyways.
We're faint bodies lacking everything at our cores
We’re estranged in the same room
So say nothing.
I'll pull your strings down to the ground
Rip them to shreds
Because I might be afraid of you
And that’s a bad thing.
I wish I loved you.
You hinder yourse
Rebellious PieceThere once was a part of me most rebellious
So much that I became estranged from eye
It fell to trained men to restrain that little hellion
And it still resists them to this time
For now they keep a part of me
One forever missing
They'll find other things to help me see
And aid them in their mission
Until then I wait in a world halved
Watching time pass on one side
Until a time where I rejoin the staff
And they revive the part that died
FatherFather, forgive me my transgressions
Against thy infallible will;
To thee I offer this last confession,
So that my penitence I may fulfill.
Father, remember our sacred unity,
Bear it in your mind well,
Bless me once more with your impunity,
Or send me to the darkest hell,
Where from the fires I shall beg for immunity
And hopelessly wonder whence I fell.
Father, thy tainted memory remains,
Imbued within my fading recollections;
Your heartfelt smile which pains
And your empty vows to make inflections.
Father, the trauma you inflicted lives,
Embedded deep beneath this unbroken flesh;
To these eyes a funereal gleam it gives
And with your static image it does mesh.
Father, your words did not fall on turned ears,
But fell instead on a heart of porcelain,
And your threats still are sonorous after all these years,
Like broken records piercing naked skin;
Your name alone gives rise to a surfeit of fears,
Haunting forever the dreams of your kin;
That grand dissipation replenishes dried tears;
17 years old17 years old
inside your head.
Beating in your
"I can't stand..."
I am afraid.
Waiting for it to pass.
Oh the things I wishStress
Run away to Neverland I must
Free from horror
Free from hell
Free from the devils
Oh the things I wish
A throne of my own
Peaceful music played in the air
Live like a king
Just for the day
Bad HabitI think I was your drink of fine wine,
only used when needed from time to time
I'd get you tipsy, as stars collide
Your drunk, slurred words
blending in with mine
(I couldn't even comprehend
when you said it wouldn't happen again)
I think I was your cigarette break
when anxiety filled,
from me, you'd take
One puff here, and one puff there
(I could barely hear
when you said, "I'm sorry, dear")
I think I was your line of cocaine,
thinking I'd be there to ease your pain
I'd bring you higher,
head suspended in clouds
(So I knew it was fake,
when you said, "It was my mistake")
I think I was your bad habit,
and ignorantly, you were mine
You continue to relapse, my dear
But rest assured:
I won't this time.
Prodigal's SearchProdigal's Search
Tormented in school, berated at home
A constant need to live this life alone
I finished school to go abroad
My heart weighed with a heavy load
And every step I took then
Echoed with my mother's voice
An empty heart and a sad soul
Need time to recover and become whole
I needed to live among caring men
So I would not relive that life again
But still I heard that woman's voice
I wandered far and away back then
Vowing never to return home again
Haunted and hounded by my mother's ghost
Peace is desired but it has a heavy cost
Only now at the side of one I love
Who heals and soothes with a velvet glove
Does that voice soften and sound like the wind
And drift away like my dreams from my mind
And in the end I realized
That only my father and my sister cared
The former supported me till now more than I knew
The latter supports me at every thing I do
And I no longer hear that awful voice
DisarraysSelflessness is a muted destruction
That thrives in my crackling chest
When you push me away from your crying arms
Harboring a mansion of guilt
With beds unmade
And rooms unclean
The disarrays of your past
Pleading for restoration
Come to me
As you are
When the falling skies are big and red
Bleeding the pains of life
Hear the melodies of my regard
And love for you
Take it all out on me
Leave a thousand marks if you have to
Take me under
Push me down
Because I’ll push you harder
Only to fall right on top of you
Anything to kiss the silk lining of your lips
And every single piece of worth that you are
2014 Vincent Cuccolo
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